I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
