That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
