I love black thongs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
