direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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