2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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