i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
