If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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