So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
