I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
