Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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