So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
