my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
