I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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