The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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