I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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