i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
