We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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