cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
