Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
