So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
