She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
