Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize