It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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