dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
