that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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