Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
