Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
