Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
