Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
