I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
