we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
