I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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