even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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