I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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