we have officially lost it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
