So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
ttyl tear gas
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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