I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
