Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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