i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
