I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
