Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
