ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
