It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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