I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
