I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
