Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
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So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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