remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
