no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
