So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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