I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize