I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Apparently you make a good broom.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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