im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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