Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
