i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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