My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
