I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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